Also, ugh, I didn't actually look at your translation before, but it's _way_ off. I'll correct it and run through the things you should know when reading Japanese, hold on.
Please take a look at my corrections and compare them to your translation, and try to see where the things went wrong. First, a couple of general points: - Make sure you make the notes as small as possible, so they obscure the picture the least. - If you get into a translation and you feel it makes little sense, go back to the beginning and try again. There's a good chance you got the premise wrong, which is distorting your understanding later on. And with confused context you will only get confused translations.
Now, the specifics: - 人気 is usually にんき, popular. Predominantly so. - Google and ja.wikipedia.org are your friends. A simple lookup there'd have told you about 歌月十夜 - Don't confuse といい with という (which is where you get "It'd be nice..." I think) - Speaking of という (no pun intended), it's of paramount importance. It literally means "speaking of", and is a general joiner to link qualifiers and followups with their subject, used for all kinds of things. That alone should've told you your translation is off. Get a proper feel of how という is used, and you have half of the skill needed to understand Japanese already. - 〜のに is "even though ~". Though you should be careful not to confuse it with clause nominaliser の + placement particle に. That's much less frequent a combination however. - シナリオ != シーン. Generally there's no way that balloon could've been translated like that, あった is past tense of ある, not あげる.
I appreciate the effort, but you have to be much more careful when translating things if you're not sure you got it right. I'd like to go through all the translations you did, but I don't have the time. Maybe LaC will step in.
1) Gotcha. Will keep them smaller. 2) Good advice! 3) I should have know that. Again, back to 2. That translation does make more sense. 4) Found out about that on the english wiki actually, but came back and saw your post! I really should do a bit more research. (Actually, I've been needing to practice my kanji lookup, which was a motivator in trying (And failing) to get this one translated.) 5) HAH! :-) I've covered という, but for some reason my brain is broken tonight. This was an amateur mistake. :-( 6) Noted! 7) And I'm not even sure how I ended up with that since I sounded out the kana first. :-( All in all an epic failure. (This is why I need to practice more.)
It's っ alright, just not very pronounced in the font. Following the historical lack of distinction, there are some fonts which will render つ and っ the same. But it's still sokuon where it should be.
But senpai at least got a scenario of her own...On the tenth night...Why do I feel so lifeless?Why am I so unpopular?Wha... Sacchin?SighEven though I'd even worn that embarassing outfit in Kagetsu Tooya...
